Good Health - not just Skin Deep

Properly caring for your body is important not only to your physical but also your mental well-being.  Unfortunately, in today's world, with its non-stop communication that hinders our being able to completely 'unplug', most of us work so hard that we find it nearly impossible to make the time to take care of ourselves. The harder we work, the more difficult this becomes.  

The hectic non-stop pace of our lives, coupled with the tremendous demands of work and home lead to most of us being just plain overworked, overstimulated, and overtired!  We find it hard, if not darn near impossible, to relax and rejuvenate on a regular basis. In fact, the only thing 'regular' in most of our lives is that we are 'regularly' stressed!

Routine exercise is an important component to any healthy lifestyle, as is getting adequate sleep, eating properly and taking good care of one of the most important parts of our bodies - our skin.

Your skin is the largest organ of your body, and thus needs to be properly taken care of in order to perform vital functions.  It receives a third of the blood that circulates throughout your body. It is strong, flexible and virtually waterproof. This amazing organ can regenerate and repair itself under most conditions. It provides protection, thermoregulation, sensation, and allows secretion. It is your body’s first line of defense, protecting you from harmful pollutants and providing you with immunity.  It helps to regulate your body temperature and lets you know when we are not getting proper nutrition and water intake.  If maintained properly, your skin can help to keep you looking young for years to come. Unfortunately, when your health is compromised or if you are not taking proper care of yourself, your skin is often the first place this is evidenced. Sometimes poor self-care makes itself known on the skin through breakouts, rashes, wrinkles, dryness etc.

Proper skin care goes beyond washing just your face.  It includes proper hydration internally and proper maintenance of the skin on your neck, chest and back, arms, hands, legs, and feet etc.  Good skin care includes regular cleansing, exfoliation, moisturizing, and also massage!  Massage not only relaxes the muscles in your body, it also stimulates the nerve endings in your skin.  The use of high quality massage oils, lotions, gels and butters further help to nourish your skin, providing it with the moisture and vitamins that help it to remain healthy.

At Wings Massage & Bodywork, we use only the highest quality organic, vegan, and all-natural massage oils, creams, lotions and other massage related products. Throughout the year, we are always thinking of ways to pamper and do something special for our regular clients. This month, we've concocted homemade body butters using only the best and purest ingredients to help counteract the drying effects of the season on our clients skin. These butters make an awesome and nourishing treatment for dry, cracked areas that are in need of a little tender loving care - the hands and feet!  This is just one of the many things we like to do to demonstrate to our clients how much we appreciate and care for them.  Our special body butters use 100% pure organic African Shea butter, along with a number of other high quality oils to produce a whipped butter cream which is awesome for dry skin! 

Shea butter is one of the best moisturizing, anti-aging regenerating and protecting natural products in the world! It helps protect skin from UV sunlight, harsh climate, dehydration and pollution damages. It is also considered one of the best anti-aging agents for skin. It strengthens skin by stimulating the production of collagen, which is the youthful scaffolding protein in skin. It makes skin more supple, more alive, nourished and radiant. If you have wrinkles, fine lines and crow feet or if your skin is dry, very dry, damaged or devitalized, Shea butter will make all of these problems vanish and bring your skin back into life and beauty. It is great for use during both the cold and sunny seasons.

If you don't remember when was the last time you took a moment to take care of yourself, or if you do remember and it's been a while - why not take the time right now, go to http://wings-massage.com/preview/book-appointment/ to book an appointment at Wings Massage & Bodywork studio.  Come on in, and let us take care of you! Getting regular massage and bodywork from a certified licensed Massage Therapist at Wings Massage & Bodywork Studio will not only relax your mind and body, it will also help your skin to maintain that natural, healthy glow!


Wings Soothing Body Butter Recipe
Makes about 2 1/2 to 3 cups whipped butter.

1 cup organic, raw African shea butter*
1/2 cup organic coconut oil
1/4 cup organic extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup organic almond* oil
1 tablespoon Jamaican Black castor oil
5 drops therapeutic grade rosemary essential oil
5 drops of therapeutic grade jasmine essential oil
4 drops of therapeutic grade peppermint essential oil

1. Melt shea butter and coconut oil in the top of a double boiler. Remove from heat and let cool for 30 minutes. 

2. Stir in olive oil, almond oil, castor oil and essential oils (feel free to substitute with oils of your choosing.*

3. Place oil mixture in freezer or (if winter) outside for at least 20 minutes to chill.

4. Wait until oils partially solidify then whip until a butter-like consistency is achieved. 

4. Place in clean, glass or plastic jar and enjoy! Use in moderation as a little stretches a ways!

*Essential oils are highly concentrated and should never be put directly onto skin. Some oils cause irritation and are not child-friendly so please do your own research before adding any.  If you have nut allergies, you should not use any of the above nut oils.


Tips:

1. You can use any oils you wish, just keep the mix ratio at 75% solid to 25% liquid.

2. Chilling the butter is crucial. If you don’t chill properly, it won’t whip or stay whipped.

3. Store in a cool, dry place 

4. Butter should keep for two months (not sure if shelf life beyond that since I usually use mine up within two months)

5. The body butter melts as it goes on and absorbs quickly and leaves skin very soft.

6. For extra help softening the feet or hands, take a scoop of butter, rub into feet or hands (may need someone else's help with hands), wrap foot or hand in plastic wrap, then with a moist, heated towel to help the butter penetrate the skin. Leave on until towel cools.

7. This butter is also great for dry and naturally curly hair. Can be used as a deep conditioning treatment.

The Value of Time

The Value of time grows

I value my clients’ time. I know that it is valuable to them and therefore to me. Because of this, if there is ever a missed appointment snafu where I am at fault my client’s session is free. If I am ever more than 15 minutes late reaching my studio for an appointment, that client’s session is free. The instances where anything like this would happen are rare. For any business owner, your business is your livelihood, and if clients are constantly canceling and missing appointments, you lose money.

Unfortunately, some client’s do not respect the business owner’s time. Typically, this will be a new client, someone who has never experienced my services before. One such client late cancelled, no-showed and rebooked only to repeatedly cancel and no show multiple times for the same Groupon voucher. This happened until I put my foot down and informed her that her voucher had been good and redeemed multiple times over and that I would not accept it for any session at my business. This client, who had never even stepped foot in my business, decided to ‘get even’ with me by writing bad reviews of my business. This one case, which occurred years ago, prompted me to strengthen my policies to cover my business. I consider my time just as valuable as that of my client’s.

I inform clients of my cancellation/no-show policy in advance verbally, on my website, in my emails, on my forms etc. As such, I thought that the problem had been dealt with. Unfortunately for me, another new client just threatened me with the same ‘revenge’. This customer called a number of times over the past two weeks to schedule an appointment. His calls happened to coincide with the two-week period in which my studio was closed due to the death of a close relative, as well as a pre-scheduled vacation week. Immediately upon my return to the studio, and after checking voice-mail messages, I called this client (I’ll call him ED) and we booked a 30-minute Express De-Stress Deep Tissue Massage appointment for yesterday 4/24 at 5:30 pm.

ED had originally requested 5pm even though I had informed him that my studio hours during weekdays started at 6pm. I told him that I could make an exception and book him at 5:30 pm but that would be the earliest I could schedule his appointment since I would need to leave my day job early in order get to the studio by 5:30pm. ED agreed. I asked him for an email address to send his confirmation email and he said that he did not have one. Ok, this is a red flag for me. I then asked him to confirm verbally that he would make the appointment since I was going out of my way to leave work early in order to be at the studio on time. He verbally confirmed. When I informed him of the 24 hour cancellation policy, he assured me that he would not cancel since he had been “waiting to schedule this appointment for weeks”. He had purchased the 30 minute massage as a gift certificate for someone else, but since he had not given it to the person, he wanted to use it for himself. I informed him that this would be fine.

Yesterday, I arrived at my studio at 5:15pm to set up for the 30 minute session. I turned the ringer on for my business cell phone (I keep it off during the day at my other job) and proceeded to light candles, set out products, and ready the table. The appointment time came and went. At 5:40 pm, I picked up my phone and called ED. He did not answer so I left a voicemail asking him to let me know whether he planned to make his appointment or not. I noticed a missed call alert. I checked and there was a voicemail from ED saying that a colleague who was replacing him for the next shift had not arrived yet and he therefore felt he would not make it to my studio on time and wanted to reschedule for the next day. The time the message was left was 4:15 pm. My cancellation policy is 24 hours and this had already been communicated to him!

Since I could not send him an email, the next morning I text messaged his phone number informing him that his gift certificate had been marked redeemed because he late canceled/no-showed for his appointment. A couple of hours later, ED left a voicemail informing me that he did not consider my policy to be fair since he had called an hour in advance of it, and demanding that I call him back. I called him to explain why the gift certificate had been redeemed and it was an unpleasant call to say the least. He loudly talked over me as I tried to explain and direct him to the written policy page on my website. He informed me that it wasn’t his fault that his colleague showed up late. I agreed with him but let him know that it also was not my fault and that I was trying to run a business. If I allowed customers to no-show and late cancel then not only would my time not be respected, I would lose money as well. Because of the exception I had made for his appointment, I had needed to arrive a half hour earlier to my day job in order to leave a half hour earlier than normal. ED would not even allow me to explain and instead yelled over me. He proclaimed that he would not ever consider my business again and in fact would “write some choice words about [it]” on review sites. He pledged to let his friends know not to patronize my business.

I simply don’t understand how a client could not consider that my time is just as valuable as his or hers. My business has been a labor of love for 4 years because I simply love what I do. I love my business and this is obvious in the quality of my services and everything that I do for my business. It pains me that even though I did everything right, I still have had to deal with inconsiderate, irresponsible clients like ED.

So ED, in response to your threat to damage my business with bad reviews here is what I say: Was it not enough that I had already bent over backwards for you by opening my business up earlier than normal just to book a 30-minute session being paid for with a gift certificate? I have had to work outside of my business for the past two years just to keep the doors open. I have established, written policies to address no-show and late cancellation issues in order to minimize lost revenue to my business because clients like you don’t value my time. Still you and those like you could not care less about policies. You want me to bend over backwards plus twist myself into a pretzel, and for what? For the possibility of having a client like yourself (who quite frankly probably would be a once a year client at best and would expect special treatment simply because you are ‘blessing’ me with your infrequent patronage). Clients like you always want something for nothing. No thank you. It is because of clients like you that I have decided to close my doors. You are not worthy of my talents or of the superior services that I provide. So go ahead and write your reviews. What are you going to say? You never even experienced my services. Your only complaint is that I won’t bend or lower my policy around your needs.

Merchant Alert: If you’re considering a Group-Buy Deal beware the hidden costs!

Group-Buy Deals: Merchant Beware!
It may be your blood in the water!

Group-Buy deals should come with a warning label for merchants and for clients.  Sales representatives for Group-Buy companies are quick to sell naive and unsuspecting merchants on the myth that the sale of deep-discount deals will result in a much needed infusion of wonderful, new, loyal and repeat clients that are both willing and able to pay regular price for products and services. Don’t get me wrong, the group-buy deal will probably attract a few such clients who will become regulars (as long as your business provides them with worthy services/products), however, the percentage of deal-clients who will fall into this category is vastly over-exaggerated by Group-Buy companies. These companies can ‘sniff out blood in the water’ and know just what to say and promise in order to exploit new, small, income-strapped or otherwise economy-battered businesses anxious to survive.  What the Group-Buy company’s representatives won’t tell the merchant before he or she signs on the dotted line, is that most of the so-called ‘wonderful, new clients’ attracted by deep-discount deals are already loyal to the Group-Buy business (e.g. Groupon, Trubates, Angie’s List, BuyWithMe, LivingSocial, CoupTessa etc.), and will never become loyal or even repeat clients of the merchant’s.
My experience has been that Group-Buy deals tend to attract deal-chasers, people who are interested primarily in the discount. These individuals go where the deals are and are concerned less with quality than with price.  Many of them can be sorted into the following categories:

1. The Ultra Demanding One-Timer – these are the deal-chasers who normally do not purchase whatever products or services you are selling at regular price. They only purchase if the product or service is half off or more.  Many times they are looking for ‘the biggest bang for the buck’. They appear to be extremely picky and have a sense of entitlement, believing that:  a) They should receive free upgrades to higher-end services or products on the menu, b) They are entitled to something free or extra simply because they are breathing (I call this the ‘something-for-nothing syndrome’), and c) The merchant should be bending over backwards to please them.  I own a small massage and bodywork business. A number of deal-clients who fell into this category seemed to believe that they should have been able to have their spa service performed at the same time and/or in the same room as their friend/spouse/significant other free of charge!I have found at my business that a good number of those in this particular category actually travel from further distances (50 miles or more) than average.  A handful of them have even come from out of state.  Coming from such great distances, it is easy to understand why anyone would expect to receive a great deal. However, expecting a great deal at the expense of the merchant earning any kind of profit whatsoever is not only ridiculous, it is predatory.   Many of the clients who purchased deals for my business admitted that, although they absolutely loved their service(s), they are only interested in purchasing spa services when they are deeply discounted.  A few claimed proudly that they never go to the same spa twice because that way they won’t need to pay full price!  Still others offered to become regulars IF and only if I agreed to provide them with the same deep discounts every time!
2. The Inconsiderate No-Shower/Late Canceller/Repetitive Re-scheduler/Last Minute Booker – These are deal clients who – even though they booked their own appointments online or called to schedule their appointment(s) by phone and received appointment reminder notifications – demonstrate their lack of consideration and respect for small businesses by either not showing up for their appointments, canceling their appointments at the last minute, repeatedly rescheduling appointments only to cancel them again and again, or waiting until the deal is close to expiration or has expired in order to try to book an appointment.  About thirty percent of those who redeemed group-buy deals at my business either no-showed, cancelled or rescheduled appointments multiple times, most with no or less than 24 hour notice.  Deep-discount deals typically have expiration dates of six or twelve months after purchase. I have noticed that about 15-20% of deep-discount deal-takers forget about or ignore their deals until the very last minute, leading to a flurry of last-minute appointments and resulting in the best slots being taken.  Some of these clients then become irate because the merchant’s schedule is so busy that the client cannot get an appointment on their preferred date(s).  The few clients who manage to miss the expiration date altogether, can sometimes become highly upset with the merchant for not honoring expired vouchers.  For the most part these individuals are only guilty of being lazy (waiting until the last minute), entitled, and inconsiderate or mindless of the merchant’s time and efforts.  A small percentage of these clients, however, can sometimes devolve into a totally different category of Malicious & Vicious False Informer.
3. The Malicious & Vicious False Informer – I had a couple of people who purchased my deals and either booked subsequent appointments but then either did not show up for the appointment or forgot about their deal and didn’t try to book an appointment until days before the expiration. One such individual purchased a coupon deal in January 2011. She then booked and no showed for an appointment back on May 14. Over the next two months she repeatedly booked appointments then cancelled them at the last minute.  When contacted on the day of her first no show, she claimed to have called and spoke to someone else to cancel her appointment (untrue as I use my cell phone as my business phone and I am the only person who answers my cell phone). She then claimed to have gone online and cancelled the appointment herself (also untrue as my system showed no cancellation entry). Sensing that the client had simply forgotten, I decided to give her another chance. I informed her that her coupon had been redeemed due to her first no show but that if she called me and rescheduled for a later date, I would personally provide the treatment at no cost to her. My only stipulation, which I informed her over the phone and again by email – was that any new appointment she booked could not be cancelled again or else I would no longer be able to honor the deal.  Two months later, she called and re-booked an appointment three weeks in advance.  On the day she booked the appointment, I sent a reminder message reiterating our agreement that she could not reschedule or cancel the appointment as per our earlier discussion. An appointment reminder email was sent to her 24 hours prior to her appointment. Shortly after the reminder message went out about her appointment, she cancelled yet again!  That day, I sent a final email informing her that her deal was considered redeemed in full and could not be honored at a later date.  She responded saying that she had not heard back from me and that she wanted to cancel her appointment. I resent the email. She responded again asking why I was not responding!  I sent around five emails that day asking her to call me directly since she had requested no phone contact and would not provide her phone number. I went back over all email threads with her and found her replies to my emails. I confirmed that her email address was correct and even tried to reach her one more time by email. She emailed me again and claimed that I had not responded to any of her emails and therefore she wanted a refund. I immediately informed her of her responses to my emails and also re-sent every single email thread between us. She became extremely irate claiming that she wanted to deal only with the owner. When I informed her that I was indeed the owner and had been the only one dealing with her all along, she called me a liar and claimed that I was playing some sort of game because according to her she had never received any emails from me!  Cue the Twilight Zone music because at this point I figured either she or I were living in some sort of alternate universe.   All along, I tried to be as courteous and understanding as possible. My last straw came when she emailed me stating that she did not like dealing with me and criticizing my customer service skills.  I explained to her that I had actually bent over backwards many times to try to satisfy her even though her repeated late cancellations and no-shows had long rendered unusable the one discount coupon that she’d purchased. I also made it known that I was certainly not happy dealing with her either!  Unfortunately, my standing up for myself and my business threw her further into the temper tantrum she was bent on having.  She promptly contacted the Group-Buy company (which had a No-questions asked refund policy) and requested and received a refund; claiming that she absolutely hated my website, never received any communications from me, and did not like working with me because she felt I was inflexible!  Also, since I’d had the unmitigated gall to stand my ground and refuse to honor her coupon yet again, she decided to “get even” with me/my business by submitting a negative business review on my company’s Better Business Bureau profile. At that time, her negative review was the first one that my business had received since I’d opened my doors in early 2009.
Unfortunately, the second of only two negative reviews my business has ever received came just this week – from yet another deal-chaser client.   In May of this year, I sold 11 couples massage vouchers. The vouchers are set to expire six months after the purchase date.  Since one purchaser recently requested a refund days before their voucher’s expiration date, my final number of deals sold became 10.  Thus far, eight of the ten vouchers have been redeemed and one has expired. The last voucher is owned by the deal-chaser client who just submitted my second negative review. this client waited until two weeks prior to the expiration of her deal voucher before contacting me for the first time to schedule an appointment.  She called on 11/3 at around 8am and requested that I book a single Swedish massage appointment for either that day or the coming Saturday. It was only when I asked for her name and contact information, that she informed me that the appointment would be for herself and her mom since she held the last voucher for couple’s massage. The couple’s massage of course requires two therapists. Since my 2nd therapist was not working that day and would not be in that weekend, I informed the client that it was not possible to book the appointment for the dates she’d suggested because I was the only one working both days. We went back and forth on potential slots. I asked her for a couple of dates and times for the following week when she and her mom would be available. Once she suggested two other days, I informed her that I would consult the second therapist regarding slots for the following Monday and Tuesday.  In the meantime, she would check with her mom to ensure that those days would work for her too and get back with me. Less than two hours later, this client called the Group-Buy company and complained that she had not been able to get the dates she’d wanted and therefore she requested a refund.  The company immediately called me to find out what was going on. I informed them that the client had only just called me that day and that I was going to contact her after consulting with my second therapist on some potential time-slots. I called the client twice on 11/5 and again on 11/6 leaving voice-mail messages that were never returned.  After about a week, the client called again on 11/12 complaining that I had never contacted her. I checked my detailed notes on her profile in my appointment booking system and informed her yes I had called and I had even left voice-mail messages asking whether four time-slots on 11/7 and 11/8 would work for her and her mom.  Each voice-mail had requested that she call me back asap to book the appointment.  My ability to provide details that showed her own lack of follow-through evidently made this client even angrier. She immediately began shouting and became verbally abusive towards me, even as I sought to calm her in order to check whether an 11/14 (the last day of the voucher) slot might work for her instead.  Rather than calming down, she became even more irate, shouting that my company needed to go “out of business” and that she would let everyone know what a terrible business I ran. Before I could respond she promptly hung up on me. I immediately tried calling her back, then waited a couple of hours and tried again but she refused to answer my calls.  Later that night, I received emails from a review site.  I discovered that she had written three negative reviews for my business: one on the Group-Buy company site, another on MerchantCircle, and yet another one on Yelp. These reviews were both harsh and dishonest. It is neither my nor my business’ fault that this client waited until it was too late to book an appointment on her preferred dates/time-slots.  I certainly tried to work with her and went out of my way to offer other time slots where both my 2^nd therapist and I were available. Unfortunately, this client was unwilling to work within our schedules but she expected us to work within hers.   It both saddens and angers me that she felt it necessary to fabricate untruths simply because she was either too lazy or too forgetful and failed to book an appointment early enough so that she could use her discounted voucher when she wanted to. The eight other people who contacted me for this particular deal were able to successfully book and have their appointments. She could have done the same had she truly been willing. It is extremely frustrating that the two negative reviews my business has received are both from individuals who have never set foot in my place of business, nor received services from my business! They were both angry because I refused to honor vouchers or coupons that were redeemed and unusable because of their own failures to abide by policies they both were aware of prior to purchasing their discount deals. They decided to make my business pay for their own short-comings! So for all of you merchants out there who are contemplating running a Group-Buy Deal, be forewarned that in addition to the immediate revenue hit of the up to 50% group-buy discount that you are expected to eat, plus the Group-Buy company’s 50% portion of whatever remains, minus any credit-card fees that will certainly be passed along to you, both you and your staff will be subjected to some major headaches, aggravation and frustration when dealing with these types of deal-chasing clients. The most important warning that I can give you from my experience, however, is that the biggest cost of your doing a Group-Buy deal may be to your company’s reputation. This is particularly relevant for very small businesses that perhaps do not have the bandwidth to honor these deals on any and every perceivable date and time, both up to and after the deals have expired!  So after you’ve crunched all the numbers for the obvious costs of doing such a deal, you should consider some of the hidden costs and crunch your numbers some more. Truly consider whether your business can actually afford ALL of the costs of running a Group-Buy Deal!

Body Wisdom: Ignore it at your own peril

“Breath is Life”.  I didn’t know just how true this saying was until I recently had my first (and I hope my last) asthma attack at age 43.  In late November 2010, I developed a cough with post-nasal drip. Normally very healthy, I thought nothing of it and attributed my symptoms to either a cold or allergies. Each time my mother suggested I pay a visit to my doctor, I brushed her concerns aside – adamant that it was nothing serious and would go away on its own. When the cough lingered for months I resorted to throat gargling, popping cough drops many times a day, and trying out different cough medicines – I may have tried just about every brand at my local drugstore.

Three months later, the cough was still there and I also noticed a slight twinge of pain on both sides of my upper back.  “Oh boy,” I thought, “I must not be practicing proper body mechanics when I do massages.”  Looking back, I notice now that all the signs were there: periodic shortness of breath, chronic coughing especially at night, wheezing when I breathed, difficulty breathing and chest tightness.  Earlier this week, the pain in my back and the tightness in my chest became so intense that I had no choice but to flee to my doctor’s office. She took one listen at my wheezing and labored breathing and immediately sent for a steroid breathing treatment to open my airways. “You have asthma” she stated matter-of-factly, “And you will need to take two inhalers plus a nasal spray until your symptoms are under control”.  I listened half in disbelief as she ran down my treatment plan.

She certainly didn’t need to show me how to use my new inhalers because I am quite familiar with them already. My son had moderate to severe asthma from the ages of 3 through 9, and my husband has had it since childhood. Thankfully, my son has almost grown out of his asthma. He occasionally needs to use an inhaler when he plays sports and over exerts himself; however, he has not had an attack in almost 5 years. Thank God!  Given his history with asthma, I am always vigilant about his breathing, and at the merest sign of wheezing I am reaching for his inhaler. It’s strange that I failed to notice the same signs in myself.

As a bodyworker accustomed to treating chronic pain in others as well as helping others to be present in their own bodies, I should have known better than to ignore my own body’s warning signals. Whether it was the simple fear of actually knowing or that I thought I could ignore my symptoms out of existence (i.e. mind over matter), I am not certain. I do know that part of me ignored the symptoms because my mindset is I just don’t have time to be sick, darn it!

The lesson I take from this recent scary event is to never again overlook my body’s warning signals. When something is not right within, the body signals this through pain. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), nothing within the human body functions independently.  Pain is your body’s alarm. It tells you when something is wrong. If you ignore your body’s alarm, similarly to the fire alarm in your house, severe problems can take shape.

As I sit, cooped up in my house, recuperating from my recent asthma bout and struggling at times to take a breath, if I didn’t know then, I certainly know now that my body has it own wisdom. It knows when something is out of balance. Unfortunately, I deliberately chose to shut my ears to that wisdom and now I am suffering the consequences. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. Learn to listen to your body’s wisdom. A ‘self-help’ book that I am planning to put on my Must Read list is “Full Body Presence: Learning to Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom” by Suzanne Scurlock-Durana.

I will definitely try to never again ignore the language of my own body. My most recent experience showed me the peril of doing so!

Yours in Health and Wellness,

Tonya

Coping with Stress and the Holiday Blues

Stressed Shopper

The period between Thanksgiving and New Years can be a time of excitement, joy, and hope as we look forward to decorating, shopping, cooking and spending time with family and friends. But it can also be a time where we resort to self-criticism and focus our attentions on previous disappointments. The holidays can stir up feelings of sadness, despair, loneliness, anxiety and hopelessness. During the holidays, it is common for many people to feel a bit depressed or ‘blue’. Factors that contribute to holiday blues include: stress, fatigue, financial hardships, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, and an inability to spend real, meaningful time with one’s family and/or friends.  The demands of shopping for gifts, attending social gatherings, tending to house guests, and spending time with family and friends can contribute to increased tensions and anxiety. As we stretch ourselves thin trying to pile holiday activities on top of already too busy schedules, some of us will find ourselves reaching our breaking points.  Here are some helpful tips on ways that you can cope with the ‘Holiday Blues’ and/or keep stress levels down:

1. Set Expectations for Spending and Stick with Them – As the holiday season grows increasingly more commercialized, most people tend to place a high importance on gift giving as a way of expressing love and appreciation for family, friends and loved ones. Unfortunately, when the credit card bills arrive in January, holiday cheers quickly turn to holiday jeers and stress is multiplied by the strain of having overextended ones finances.  According to MasterCard Advisors’ SpendingPulse, even with the economy in turmoil, consumer spending increased during the 2009 holiday season over that of 2008. A Consumer Reports study found that 47% of consumers put part or all of their 2009 purchases on a credit card. A 2010 Consumer Reports Holiday Shopping poll predicts that only one third of American consumers plan to spend less on holiday gifts this year than they did in 2009. Although nearly 14 million Americans have yet to finish paying off holiday debts incurred in 2009, only 47% of consumers plan to set up a budget for holiday expenses!  To prevent overspending and the headaches that result from this indulgence, make sure to plan your holiday budget in advance.  Set reasonable and manageable expectations for what you can spend and stick with your plan.
   
2. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do – Many of us try to make the holiday season perfect. From finding the perfect gifts, to planning  the perfect activities for guests, to hosting and attending the perfect holiday parties. Keep in mind that nothing and no one is perfect. Perfection is neither realistic nor achievable. Don’t try to cram weeks full of holiday ‘goodness’ into one day. Remember that the holiday season is more than just a day.  Fun activities and gatherings can be spread out over multiple days and/or weeks. Also, don’t try to do it all. During the holiday season, many people feel pressured into accepting every invitation to a social gathering that comes their way. Choose how YOU want to spend your time based on your own abilities and commitments. Decide what you can and cannot do and remember to save time for yourself.  It does no one (least of all yourself) a bit of good if you tire yourself out by running around to every party and social gathering you catch wind of.  The world will not end if you say no once in a while.
   
3. Practice Restraint – Many of us will deal with the additional pressures of the holidays by eating too much or drinking to excess. This form of ‘self-medication’ actually exacerbates the issue and can lead to additional stress responses such as headaches and difficulty sleeping. I have been guilty in the past of actually planning to overindulge during the holidays. Like many people, I figured I could make up for my blatant pig outs and lack of physical activity in the New Year.  That type of thinking led me to pack on 15 pounds one year between Thanksgiving and New Years! In addition to the stress and anxiety I felt once I took a peek at the scale, the guilt and self-disgust were practically palpable and overwhelming. Why do yourself such a disservice? Plan to practice healthy eating habits as much as you can during the holidays.  Just because there are twelve different types of cakes and pies at your holiday party does not mean you should try a slice of everything!  Prior to attending a party, try to eat a healthy snack so that hunger does not cause you to pig out on all sorts of unhealthy choices.  Because of the nature of the season, you will be tempted to overindulge and eat yourself silly. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you do fall off that food wagon. Remember to take things one day at a time.In terms of over indulging in alcohol consumption, remember that excessive drinking will increase feelings of depression and sadness, and can be detrimental to your health, your life, and the lives of others. According to the CDC, nearly one-third of all traffic related deaths in the U.S. in 2008 were caused by alcohol-impaired driving.
   
4. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise – Regular exercise not only relieves stress and boosts your immune system, it also counteracts any negative results of food over-indulgences during the holidays, and gives you more energy while helping you to sleep better.  Yes, it takes time to exercise and I know you are so busy during the holiday but believe me your body and your mind will thank you for not compromising on this.
   
5. Remember to get Adequate Rest – Getting enough sleep is very important. It keeps your stress levels down and helps your immune system. Just because it is the holiday season and you are a holiday enthusiast doesn’t mean you should burn both ends of the candle. You should still try to get enough sleep to awake refreshed every day. If that means not attending a party or leaving a little early then so be it. Your health and well-being demands nothing less than adequate rest.
   
6. Acknowledge and Accept your Feelings – Many people feel guilt if they are not in a ‘happy holiday-mood’.  If you suffered a loss or have sadness or grief because of something traumatic that occurred around the holidays (even if it has been years ago), don’t try to deny or change your emotions.  Realize that it is normal to feel grief or sorrow.  If you need to cry don’t feel that you shouldn’t or can’t because of the holidays. Just because it is the holiday season does not mean you have to pretend to be happy. Take my word for it; you will not turn into Ebenezer Scrooge if you give in to a bit of Bah Humbugness. Find a sufficient and healthy outlet for your emotions – exercise, take a walk, create art – whatever helps you to deal.  As a teenager I would sometimes feel sadness around Christmas because of loss and trauma that I once suffered during the holiday season. I often find emotional release through creative writing, particularly poetry.  During one of my periods of holiday blues, I created the following poem which symbolized the feelings I had at the time. The poem is aptly titled “My Winter Dreams.”
   My Winter Dreams
   ©Copyright, 1983, The Jabberwocky, Author Tonya Brooks (age 15)
   
   My winter dreams are snowy folds
   where shadows lurk and hearts are cold.
   In frigid caves encased in ice,
   my winter dreams are not so nice.
   Bathed in darkness, damp and smooth -
   my winter dreams do not soothe
   broken promises and tarnished dreams
   flow less rivers and frozen streams.
   In my winter dreams, the birds don’t sing
   and heart over mind always reigns.
   
   Ok, now go ahead and laugh at all that teenaged angst. I just did.  Oh the horror of being 15 again.
   
7. Get help if you need it – The holidays can be a lonely time for many people. If you feel isolated and in despair, reach out to others in your community. Attend a community social gathering, or better yet, volunteer to help others.  There is a ancient quote that says “I once was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” There is something both therapeutic and eye-opening about helping others who are less fortunate. It certainly helps to put things into perspective.
   
8. Take care of you – For most of us, between work and personal obligations, life seems to go on nonstop most days.  This frenetic pace can be drastically increased during the holiday season. Remember to take a break and take care of you. Find some way to give your body and mind a break. Try aromatherapy, take a walk, meditate, enjoy a nice hot bath, or reward yourself with a massage. If you are dealing with the stress of the holidays, remember that a full body massage might just be what your body, mind and spirit needs. Studies have shown that massage helps to alleviate stress because it elevates serotonin — the body’s anti-pain hormone, reduces anxiety, and lowers cortisol – the stress hormone. Whatever you decide to do, just remember to take care of you during the holidays. You are so very much worth it!