Coping with Stress and the Holiday Blues

Stressed Shopper

The period between Thanksgiving and New Years can be a time of excitement, joy, and hope as we look forward to decorating, shopping, cooking and spending time with family and friends. But it can also be a time where we resort to self-criticism and focus our attentions on previous disappointments. The holidays can stir up feelings of sadness, despair, loneliness, anxiety and hopelessness. During the holidays, it is common for many people to feel a bit depressed or ‘blue’. Factors that contribute to holiday blues include: stress, fatigue, financial hardships, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, and an inability to spend real, meaningful time with one’s family and/or friends.  The demands of shopping for gifts, attending social gatherings, tending to house guests, and spending time with family and friends can contribute to increased tensions and anxiety. As we stretch ourselves thin trying to pile holiday activities on top of already too busy schedules, some of us will find ourselves reaching our breaking points.  Here are some helpful tips on ways that you can cope with the ‘Holiday Blues’ and/or keep stress levels down:

1. Set Expectations for Spending and Stick with Them – As the holiday season grows increasingly more commercialized, most people tend to place a high importance on gift giving as a way of expressing love and appreciation for family, friends and loved ones. Unfortunately, when the credit card bills arrive in January, holiday cheers quickly turn to holiday jeers and stress is multiplied by the strain of having overextended ones finances.  According to MasterCard Advisors’ SpendingPulse, even with the economy in turmoil, consumer spending increased during the 2009 holiday season over that of 2008. A Consumer Reports study found that 47% of consumers put part or all of their 2009 purchases on a credit card. A 2010 Consumer Reports Holiday Shopping poll predicts that only one third of American consumers plan to spend less on holiday gifts this year than they did in 2009. Although nearly 14 million Americans have yet to finish paying off holiday debts incurred in 2009, only 47% of consumers plan to set up a budget for holiday expenses!  To prevent overspending and the headaches that result from this indulgence, make sure to plan your holiday budget in advance.  Set reasonable and manageable expectations for what you can spend and stick with your plan.
   
2. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do – Many of us try to make the holiday season perfect. From finding the perfect gifts, to planning  the perfect activities for guests, to hosting and attending the perfect holiday parties. Keep in mind that nothing and no one is perfect. Perfection is neither realistic nor achievable. Don’t try to cram weeks full of holiday ‘goodness’ into one day. Remember that the holiday season is more than just a day.  Fun activities and gatherings can be spread out over multiple days and/or weeks. Also, don’t try to do it all. During the holiday season, many people feel pressured into accepting every invitation to a social gathering that comes their way. Choose how YOU want to spend your time based on your own abilities and commitments. Decide what you can and cannot do and remember to save time for yourself.  It does no one (least of all yourself) a bit of good if you tire yourself out by running around to every party and social gathering you catch wind of.  The world will not end if you say no once in a while.
   
3. Practice Restraint – Many of us will deal with the additional pressures of the holidays by eating too much or drinking to excess. This form of ‘self-medication’ actually exacerbates the issue and can lead to additional stress responses such as headaches and difficulty sleeping. I have been guilty in the past of actually planning to overindulge during the holidays. Like many people, I figured I could make up for my blatant pig outs and lack of physical activity in the New Year.  That type of thinking led me to pack on 15 pounds one year between Thanksgiving and New Years! In addition to the stress and anxiety I felt once I took a peek at the scale, the guilt and self-disgust were practically palpable and overwhelming. Why do yourself such a disservice? Plan to practice healthy eating habits as much as you can during the holidays.  Just because there are twelve different types of cakes and pies at your holiday party does not mean you should try a slice of everything!  Prior to attending a party, try to eat a healthy snack so that hunger does not cause you to pig out on all sorts of unhealthy choices.  Because of the nature of the season, you will be tempted to overindulge and eat yourself silly. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you do fall off that food wagon. Remember to take things one day at a time.In terms of over indulging in alcohol consumption, remember that excessive drinking will increase feelings of depression and sadness, and can be detrimental to your health, your life, and the lives of others. According to the CDC, nearly one-third of all traffic related deaths in the U.S. in 2008 were caused by alcohol-impaired driving.
   
4. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise – Regular exercise not only relieves stress and boosts your immune system, it also counteracts any negative results of food over-indulgences during the holidays, and gives you more energy while helping you to sleep better.  Yes, it takes time to exercise and I know you are so busy during the holiday but believe me your body and your mind will thank you for not compromising on this.
   
5. Remember to get Adequate Rest – Getting enough sleep is very important. It keeps your stress levels down and helps your immune system. Just because it is the holiday season and you are a holiday enthusiast doesn’t mean you should burn both ends of the candle. You should still try to get enough sleep to awake refreshed every day. If that means not attending a party or leaving a little early then so be it. Your health and well-being demands nothing less than adequate rest.
   
6. Acknowledge and Accept your Feelings – Many people feel guilt if they are not in a ‘happy holiday-mood’.  If you suffered a loss or have sadness or grief because of something traumatic that occurred around the holidays (even if it has been years ago), don’t try to deny or change your emotions.  Realize that it is normal to feel grief or sorrow.  If you need to cry don’t feel that you shouldn’t or can’t because of the holidays. Just because it is the holiday season does not mean you have to pretend to be happy. Take my word for it; you will not turn into Ebenezer Scrooge if you give in to a bit of Bah Humbugness. Find a sufficient and healthy outlet for your emotions – exercise, take a walk, create art – whatever helps you to deal.  As a teenager I would sometimes feel sadness around Christmas because of loss and trauma that I once suffered during the holiday season. I often find emotional release through creative writing, particularly poetry.  During one of my periods of holiday blues, I created the following poem which symbolized the feelings I had at the time. The poem is aptly titled “My Winter Dreams.”
   My Winter Dreams
   ©Copyright, 1983, The Jabberwocky, Author Tonya Brooks (age 15)
   
   My winter dreams are snowy folds
   where shadows lurk and hearts are cold.
   In frigid caves encased in ice,
   my winter dreams are not so nice.
   Bathed in darkness, damp and smooth -
   my winter dreams do not soothe
   broken promises and tarnished dreams
   flow less rivers and frozen streams.
   In my winter dreams, the birds don’t sing
   and heart over mind always reigns.
   
   Ok, now go ahead and laugh at all that teenaged angst. I just did.  Oh the horror of being 15 again.
   
7. Get help if you need it – The holidays can be a lonely time for many people. If you feel isolated and in despair, reach out to others in your community. Attend a community social gathering, or better yet, volunteer to help others.  There is a ancient quote that says “I once was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” There is something both therapeutic and eye-opening about helping others who are less fortunate. It certainly helps to put things into perspective.
   
8. Take care of you – For most of us, between work and personal obligations, life seems to go on nonstop most days.  This frenetic pace can be drastically increased during the holiday season. Remember to take a break and take care of you. Find some way to give your body and mind a break. Try aromatherapy, take a walk, meditate, enjoy a nice hot bath, or reward yourself with a massage. If you are dealing with the stress of the holidays, remember that a full body massage might just be what your body, mind and spirit needs. Studies have shown that massage helps to alleviate stress because it elevates serotonin — the body’s anti-pain hormone, reduces anxiety, and lowers cortisol – the stress hormone. Whatever you decide to do, just remember to take care of you during the holidays. You are so very much worth it!